I love hearing and sharing new jokes. This list of 21 Valentine’s Day jokes that make me laugh might also tickle your funny bone. Feel free to pass them on to others so that they might get a chuckle out of them as well.
Phil was a handsome man who got dressed up in his finest clothes and headed to the pub down the road. He noticed a woman sitting at the end of the bar who wouldn’t stop staring at him. Flattery took over and Phil headed over to talk to the lady. He made his voice deep and sultry and said, “I’ll do anything you wish, beautiful lady, but on one condition.”
The woman had to shake herself out of her trance and then asked, “What is your condition?”
Phil says, “You must tell me your wish in only 3 words.”
The woman paused and then gave Phil a slip of paper with her address scrawled on it. She then leaned forward with her eyes closed and whispered, “Clean my house.”
Q: What do squirrels give each other for Valentine’s Day?
Do you love me?
Then whisper something soft and sweet in my ear.
Lemon meringue pie.
Oscar if she likes me.
Jim asked Tony if he’d gotten his wife anything for Valentine’s Day.
Tony said, “Yes I did. I bought her a bag and a belt.”
Jim was shocked, “Really? That was very kind of you. I’m sure she will appreciate those.”
Tony replied, “I hope she appreciates them too and I hope the vacuum cleaner works a lot better now.”
Q: What did the caveman give his wife on Valentine’s Day?
A: Ughs and kisses!
Q: What did the boy light bulb say to the girl light bulb on Valentine’s Day?
A: I love you watts and watts!
A woman woke up from a nap and exclaimed to her husband, “I just had a dream that you gave me a beautiful pearl necklace. What do you think that means?”
Her husband smiled and said, “You’ll know tonight.”
That evening the man took his wife out for dinner and gave her a small package. She was thrilled and a smile spread across her face. She opened the present and her expression changed as she discovered the package contained a book entitled “The Meaning of Dreams”.
Sam was a 4 year old who loved candy as much as his mom did. Sam’s dad gave Sam’s mom a box of chocolates for Valentine’s Day. The box was heart-shaped and filled with tons of various chocolates. After a few days had passed, Sam went to the box and reached out to touch one of the pieces of chocolate. Sam’s mom said, “Now Sam, you know that if you touch it you have to eat it.”
Sam then reached out and tenderly patted the top of every piece of candy with his fat little hand. He then turned to his mother and said, “Well, now I guess I have to eat them all.”
Q: Did you hear about the romance in the tropical fish tank?
A: It was a case of guppy love.
Q: What did the stamp say to the envelope on Valentine's Day?
A: I'm stuck on you.
Q: What is a ram's favorite Valentine's Day song?
A: I only have eyes for ewe, dear.
Q: What happens when you fall in love with a French chef?
A: You get all buttered up.
A man walks into the post office and sees another man stamping and spraying perfume on hundreds of Valentine's Day cards.
"Why are you sending all those cards?"
"I'm signing them 'guess who' and sending them to lots of people.
"But why," asks the man.
"I'm a divorce lawyer," he answers.
Q: What is a vampire's sweetheart called?
A: His ghoul-friend.
Q: What did the boy bird say to the girl bird on Valentine's Day?
A: Let me call you tweet-heart.
Q: What did the boy octopus say to the girl octopus?
A: Can I hold your hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand, hand?
Q: What does a farmer give his wife for Valentine's Day?
A: Hogs and kisses.
Q: What did one pickle say to the other on Valentine's Day?
A: You mean a great dill to me.
Q: Do skunks celebrate Valentine's Day?
A: Yes, they're very scent-imental.
Q: What do you call a small Valentine?
A: A Valentiny.
My husband said that Valentine’s Day was obviously invented by a woman because you never see those little Valentine’s Day candies in the shapes of beer or footballs. Hmmm. He might have something there! What are your favorite Valentine’s Day jokes that you’ve heard?
This article written in collaboration with editor, Eliza Martinez
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