So, first, let me explain just wtf I'm talking about here. I'm talking about that phase where you're safely past puberty, you're in the middle of all those hormones, and you know exactly what they mean. You have sex on the brain all the time … but you haven't actually had sex yet. That stage. That awkward, crazy, lustful, topsy-turvy stage. Remember that? Good. Then you'll probably remember these equally awkward, agonizing, amazing experiences as well.
When you're at a school dance or a party. When you're at the movies. When you're walking down the sidewalk. What's appropriate? How can you be smooth? What do you do?
Like those V. C. Andrews novels. Bad place to get advice, by the way, unless you need tips for hooking up with the boy you thought was your brother or the crush who turns out to be related to you.
I don't even mean worrying about your pits or anything. I don't mean worrying about whether or not everyone can smell your period somehow, either. I mean worrying that the hormones in your body are so strong, you will actually smell like sex.
What's a blowjob? Does it involve blowing on a guy's penis? How is that fun? (A/N: I believed this.)
The first time you get really sexually aroused and you get wet, it can be weird if you don't know what to expect. This is especially awkward if it happens after you've been hanging with your crush. You go to the bathroom and suddenly … what is that? It's not your period. It's not pee. What IS that?!
As you get older, kisses can become less special. Not for everyone, and I hope this never happens to any of you, but it happens. Post-puberty and pre-sex, you're still inexperienced with kissing. You don't know when to go in for one, you don't have your technique down yet, and it doesn't matter because every kiss leaves you giddy with your belly full of butterflies.
I know so many girls and women who still don't masturbate. It's like masturbating is a man's domain, but that's so untrue. Still, because female masturbation isn't exactly a mainstream topic yet, some girls end up doing it kind of accidentally. It is just as amazing and mind-blowing as it seems to be for boys, though. Like stumbling over nirvana.
Almost every girl worries about this. If you do something sexual, even if it's not sex, what will people say about you? What happens if everyone finds out? Will they call you slutty? Are you dirty?
There's like this hierarchy you feel like you can follow, which you usually learn from your girlfriends, peers, and Tumblr. Like, French kissing comes first, then heavy petting, then it's okay to give the guy a hand job but you shouldn't let him go up your shirt … it's actually kind of agonizing.
Like, how do you give a hand job? You're unfamiliar with the equipment, after all, it's foreign territory.
Well, sex and sex-related acts are kind of funny at the best of times. The first time you see an erect penis up close, it's hard not to laugh. Even just knowing that a guy has an erection can be funny.
This is bad for everyone involved. It also will not help with #12.
Ah, scheming to get your boo alone somewhere – just to make out, usually, or to do something that seems super risque and serious when you're 16, but is actually pretty tame.
No matter what you're doing, this is always a fear. Chaperons might catch you stealing kisses beneath the bleachers, your parents might catch you copping a feel behind the garage … anything can go wrong!
Maybe you popped a boner at an inopportune time. Maybe you got squirmy in your seat reading a risque passage in your favorite V. C. Andrews novel. Whatever, we all know what it's like to be young and awkward and suddenly horny.
When you're at a school dance or a party. When you're at the movies. When you're walking down the sidewalk. What's appropriate? How can you be smooth? What do you do?
Like those V. C. Andrews novels. Bad place to get advice, by the way, unless you need tips for hooking up with the boy you thought was your brother or the crush who turns out to be related to you.
I don't even mean worrying about your pits or anything. I don't mean worrying about whether or not everyone can smell your period somehow, either. I mean worrying that the hormones in your body are so strong, you will actually smell like sex.
What's a blowjob? Does it involve blowing on a guy's penis? How is that fun? (A/N: I believed this.)
The first time you get really sexually aroused and you get wet, it can be weird if you don't know what to expect. This is especially awkward if it happens after you've been hanging with your crush. You go to the bathroom and suddenly … what is that? It's not your period. It's not pee. What IS that?!
As you get older, kisses can become less special. Not for everyone, and I hope this never happens to any of you, but it happens. Post-puberty and pre-sex, you're still inexperienced with kissing. You don't know when to go in for one, you don't have your technique down yet, and it doesn't matter because every kiss leaves you giddy with your belly full of butterflies.
I know so many girls and women who still don't masturbate. It's like masturbating is a man's domain, but that's so untrue. Still, because female masturbation isn't exactly a mainstream topic yet, some girls end up doing it kind of accidentally. It is just as amazing and mind-blowing as it seems to be for boys, though. Like stumbling over nirvana.
Almost every girl worries about this. If you do something sexual, even if it's not sex, what will people say about you? What happens if everyone finds out? Will they call you slutty? Are you dirty?
There's like this hierarchy you feel like you can follow, which you usually learn from your girlfriends, peers, and Tumblr. Like, French kissing comes first, then heavy petting, then it's okay to give the guy a hand job but you shouldn't let him go up your shirt … it's actually kind of agonizing.
Like, how do you give a hand job? You're unfamiliar with the equipment, after all, it's foreign territory.
Well, sex and sex-related acts are kind of funny at the best of times. The first time you see an erect penis up close, it's hard not to laugh. Even just knowing that a guy has an erection can be funny.
This is bad for everyone involved. It also will not help with #12.
Ah, scheming to get your boo alone somewhere – just to make out, usually, or to do something that seems super risque and serious when you're 16, but is actually pretty tame.
No matter what you're doing, this is always a fear. Chaperons might catch you stealing kisses beneath the bleachers, your parents might catch you copping a feel behind the garage … anything can go wrong!
Well, of course. If you let a boy see your boobs, you have to get married. I believed this at 14. I can't be the only one.
You invariably build it up to be something way better than it ultimately is. Ah, youth.
How did you handle that strange, awkward period of time between reaching puberty and having sex for the first time?
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