"I Wish He Could See Me with Shampoo in My Hair" ...

By Christopher

People are funny, and sometimes hilariously vain - everyone is a bit of a narcissist. I remember working as a security guard in my younger days on the main floor of an office building. I was at the front desk, so guess what? I would see all the people passing by the building windows but they couldn’t see me.

All kinds of people walked by, especially women. They were all checking themselves out in the window. Big ones, small ones, old ones, young ones, tall, short, medium, poor, rich, with makeup, without makeup even those wearing makeup trying to make up with their boyfriend. LOL.

This got me thinking. Please, this is not based on any academic research or governmental data. Women know when they look good. Women will find somewhere to go, just to show off their new haircut. They know what jeans makes their butt look good. Make that, sweatpants with the big white letters on the butt. Don’t act like you don’t know.

They know how to pose and maneuver. They know when they are in good lighting and look cute when the get caught in the rain. Low cut shirt? “Oh, this old thing.” Yoga pants are not in style for convenience. And, those private moments when no man is around to see you? Man, they sigh, “I wish he could see me with shampoo in my hair.”

Let’s face it. Everyone is a bit of a narcissist. Women like healthy attention. The character Monica on the hit sitcom FRIENDS would argue with the word “healthy.” Remember the episode where she thought there was a peeping tom in the adjacent building? Most women would call the cops, but she started knowingly posing for him! I hope for women’s sake and safety, y’all really don’t think like that. I know you don’t, it was a sitcom silly.

I would say, 99% of the women that walked by that window back in the day, were checking themselves out. They were fixing this, straightening that, bumping up whatever. Guys were just pulling out wedgies. One thing that remains forever is, human nature!

But what about the guys? Forget about the wedgies. Men are just as bad with this shampoo thing, but in a different way. Men will do all kind of stuff like, keep rubbing their abs when they have been working out. They squint like movie star Clint Eastwood or Idris Elba when they cross the street, handsome or not.

If we are playing pickup basketball, we play a little harder and more dramatic when the ladies are watching. A fall is not just a fall so-to-speak. When we get hurt and shed a little blood or get dirty, some guys actually think, “The ladies need to see this.” They wonder, “Maybe if I grit my teeth, my jaw lines will flex like Tom Cruise’s, and I’ll get some looks.” Crazy, but true.

When a guy is out somewhere, and he has a nice car, but he’s not anywhere near his car? He’s thinking, “If she could just see me get in my ride, I’ll get her and her friend.”

Listen, A man posing with his car is a man’s version of “I wish he could see me with shampoo in my hair.” For the woman, she is saying I look so cute right now. For the guy he is saying, “I look so cool and successful right now.”

Oh, vanity. People love attention. Guys love attention, girls love attention, even babies love attention that why we’re always crying for it.

The truth is, I happen to think all women look sexy with shampoo in their hair. There is so much about women to love. Whether it’s shampoo, conditioner, sexy qualities or intellect, I’m a big fan.

I have to go now, I am flexing my biceps while taking a selfie. Wait, I just got photobombed by a self-proclaimed model with her lips poked out, in a bikini while taking her own selfie in the mirror! The internet is starting to look like the lobby of my old security job!

You're so vain, you probably think this story is about you. 'Tis! 'Cos everyone is a bit of a narcissist.

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